April 4, 2007
This isn’t a lit-bit, but it’s hilarious: Jesus Christ has been getting in shape for the Second Coming.
“I can’t lead the armies of Heaven looking like some flabby slob,” said Christ, who declined to disclose His “before” weight. “That guy can’t be the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. The faithful want a Messiah they can truly fear, not someone who’s afraid to take off His shirt in public.”
Entry Filed under: Jesus. .
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1.
Nonanon | April 5, 2007 at 6:15 am
The Onion’s other main headline wasn’t bad either: “Bush refuses to set timetable for Withdrawal of Head from White House Banister.” Tee hee.
2.
J.S. Peyton | April 5, 2007 at 11:00 am
I thought the pictures they put of Jesus actually working out were priceless. ; )
3.
sherid | April 5, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Nothing like a little sacrelidge right before easter weekend. Love it.
4.
LK | April 6, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I’m with Sherid. Perfect timing.